You know how before the doctor is about to do something “uncomfortable” he says, “okay, blow out…..NOW”?  Well, that is how I get through each and every sight change.  DON’T LAUGH, LISA….you’re tougher than I am!    Instead of “blowing out”, I say a Bible verse or start singing a song.  Usually it’s “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”…..except since “I” isn’t a diaphragm “pusher” I “push” by saying it this way, “Through Christ I can do all things” (and boy do I push that “through”).  Sometimes I get Olivia to laugh when I break out with an inspiring rendition of  “Jesus Loves the Little Children” or “Jesus Loves Me”.   Whatever works is what I do.  The sucky thing is that after I go through all that and it still hurts, I usually holler out, “Damn it, now why did that have to hurt!!!!?????”  Okay, I don’t say that when Liv is in the room but I when she’s not around……I do say it, and I usually say it with tears in my eyes (you can ask Tom).  Sometimes the “sting” lingers a little too long for my taste…and comfort.

For those of you who MDI or pump and change sights with ease…..my hat is off to you!  I’ll try to keep working on the courage part.  *sigh* ….in the mean time, I’m off to my bedroom to do a little singing.  Jesus does love me; I know He does, and He is in complete control….even when it hurts a little.

It’s time to refocus and here are some reasons why…..

tom and toots....regardless of where we go, we'll go together.

Connor, Rachele, and Liv - 3 amazing blessings!

My illness, my daily challenges can be invisible to the rest of the world.  In fact, for many years I preferred my illness to be invisible.  I certainly don’t look “sick”.  Five years ago I lived in Northern Italy.  During a visit from my parents we all made a quick trek to the beautiful city of Florence.  It was such a busy place; people were everywhere.  I remember walking through one of the piazzas where vendors were selling their wares.  One of the vendors was selling bonsai trees for Aids research.  I politely said “no, thank you” when she asked for my patronage.  She assumed I was from America and quickly added that they would ship the trees to my home in America.  I smiled and told her that I lived in Italy and said again, “no, thank you”.  I thought that was it but no, it wasn’t.  As I walked away with my Mom, the vendor made a snide comment about my selfishness. I stopped in my tracks and did a 180.  She was completely surprised and, I think, knew something was coming.  I asked her to repeat what she said.  She stammered a bit and when I knew she was sufficiently uncomfortable I informed her that she had no clue what I dealt with on a daily basis.  I asked her how she knew I wasn’t dealing with a debilitating disease that she couldn’t see.  I mean, really, who did she think she was?  All of a sudden the emotions of my invisible disease were very visible and very angry.  When I was satisfied with the tongue-lashing I gave the young woman I rejoined my Mom who visibly put her arm around me as we walked away.

Even though the official awareness week is coming to a close, I hope you choose to be very visible with your support of those who deal with invisible illnesses on a daily basis.  Sometimes all it takes is to put your arm around them and walk by their side.

The Big Finish

Austin,  my nephew, is my warrior advocate.  He finished the IronKids Triathlon in Alpharetta, Ga this past weekend.  Not

Strong mind, strong body

only did he finish, but he place 5th in his age group.  5th!!!  That qualifies him to participate in the  IronKids National Championship Triathlon in Tuscon, AZ on October 4th.    You can check out his thoughts and post times on his website.

Since I’ve been out of commission for quite some time, new readers should know that Austin decided to give a portion of the donations he receives to JDRF.  He could still use some donations to help him with the costs involved in the National Championship…..and diabetics all  over the world could use the donations to help with research for juvenile diabetes.

Determination

I have been trying to balance caring for myself with the new routine of three kids in three different schools (one of those being high school- ARGH!).   I must admit, my focus hasn’t been completely on my health but I’m getting there.  After seeing the determination on Austin’s face as he saw the finish line I have found myself with a renewed determination to work towards that finish line – whether that finish line is in two hours when I check my sugar again or wisely choosing my next meal or the next A1C or being a healthy great aunt who, years from now, gets to tell Austin’s kids how their dad inspired me to be my best.  Family and support is so important in life.  Whatever your finish line is I pray you have the support you need and that you tackle it with the determination of Austin.

Support - my brother, Scott, my sister-in-law, Alison, Austin, and Tyler.

I started thinking, as my stress level soared today…. if I had the opportunity to give up diabetes for a “do-over’ in high school would I?  Heck no!!!!  NO NO NO  Then my thoughts were turned to the brave kids that don’t have that choice.  I applaud those precious kids.  Surviving the expectations of high school while managing great control of blood sugars is an amazing accomplishment.  Consider the consequences of letting those sugars get out of control.  I know full well that when my sugars are high, I don’t think well….that would never do in AP Biology now would it?  I’m not even going to touch the social aspects of high school.  I thank God that He waited until after high school to bless me with the Type 1 challenge – my high school days were difficult enough.  Kudos to all the kids who are going into high school with the Type 1 challenge – there is a special place in my heart for you.  I’m cheering you on.

What you might not know is that my loving Dad posted a comment to both his site and to my second post issuing a challenge.  In case you missed it, here is his last comment on Austin’s site (”Honey is my Mom – Austin’s Grandmother):

Great update. Send me an email and let me know how much has been donated by Honey’s Bunco group and anyone donating because they saw my challenge on Aunt Christin’s web site. I’ll make good on my promise to match those donations dollar-for-dollar up to a maximum of $250. And anyone else following this…the match is still good if you go to www.type1tootsie.com, leave a comment there that you are donating to Austin, and then DO IT!!!

How can a girl go wrong when she has so much family support?  Strength gained from so much love is so empowering.  Thanks, Dad!  Go Austin!  I love you both.

All this quiet has afforded me some time to reflect on vacations.  We take vacations to get away from the daily grind of work and normal routine.  We take vacations to enjoy a mindless day at the beach or a stroll in the woods.   We even feel free to treat ourselves to yummy food we don’t eat regularly.  While my family was visiting I tried very hard to maintain good sugars and, for the most part, succeeded.  I had to be vigilant, though. I had to come inside from the pool often to check my sugar and reconnect my pump, if necessary.  I found myself checking my sugar while walking down Hollywood Blvd (and having to quietly tell Tom that I needed to break into my emergency sugar drink).  I also had to resist the temptation to “over”-snack on the yummy food set out.  For me there is no vacation from diabetes – no break from the routine, no mindless moments, no fun food without consequences.   Don’t get me wrong….I’m not complaining one bit, I’m just sharing my diabetic perspective of vacations.

I am so hopeful that in my lifetime I will take a vacation filled with a break from the normal routine, a mindless day at the beach, a stroll in the woods, and lots and lots of gelato and M&M’s!!!

Since I’m new to the blog world I feel like I need to give a quick history so you’ll understand where I’ve come from.  Aside from my three pregnancies (which were amazingly healthy), I have struggled greatly with good control throughout my almost 21 years of diabetes life.   I must admit that, over the years, I have allowed everything else BUT diabetes to be important.  My A1C’s have mostly been in the 9 region.  Wow, I can’t believe I just admitted that.  I know it isn’t good.  I also know that I have been so blessed to have the continued good health that I do have.  The mental struggle of diabetes is a fierce one – I’ll post on that another time.  In my first post I said that I managed to take control about 6 months ago.  Great control!  My A1C on February 17^th was 9.1.  It was only two days before that I decided it was time to look at my life with a different perspective.  I knew the Feb 17^th A1C result would be high.  I took the result as a challenge – in my mind there was only one way to go from there…DOWN!  The perfectionist in me took over but this time it was different; I wasn’t going to get burned out.  I was going bring diabetes to the forefront of my everyday life and deal with it.  I am a diabetic, after all.  So, I set my sights on May 17th (the normal three-month span between lab work).  I worked hard to bring those numbers down.  It was difficult for a little while but I did it.  The averages on my glucometer showed that I was running about 140.  That was AWESOME!  I was stoked.  I knew I was going to hear “6.something”….or maybe even “5.something”.  If you’re a diabetic then you know exactly the sinking feeling I had when I heard 7.7.  WHAT?  WHAT???  My doctor told me that the older sugars (Dec and Jan) could have affected that result and not to worry.  I took a deep breath; thought about the consequences of my “care-less” days, and plowed forward to July 17^th (I talked my doctor into waiting only two more months instead of the normal three).

That leads me to today.  My glucometer will only give me a 30-day average.  I know that over the last two months I’ve not averaged over 140.  I have been so “on”. wOOt!  Remember, 140 is just an average…it doesn’t mean my sugars haven’t been over 140…I have had a few highs (expected and unexpected).  In light of that knowledge, I’ve been crazy excited about my appointment today; but I had to have the result BEFORE I went in (blame is on my “be prepared for anything” trait).   Picture me – calmly sitting in my office, happily on hold while the gal checked with the lab (I was giddy knowing that magic number was going to be one to shout from the mountain top) then I heard, “Mrs. Gilkeson your results are in and your A1C is 7.7.”  Do I have to say “WHAT” again?  (I kind of wanted to say a few other choice words) I was in such shock that I didn’t say “WHAT” or the choice word.  With great defeat I just said, “Thank you, have a great day – bye”.  I hung up the phone and fell apart.  Normally I “never let’em see me sweat (or cry)” but today I broke down.  What did I do wrong?  What am I missing? Is my glucometer lying?  I checked … the 30 day average as of today is 117 and that is based on an average of 8 checks per day.  What happened?

Well, I’ll tell you what I’m not going to do wrong, what I’m not going to miss, what is going to happen.  I’m not going to let this get me down and give up like I used to do.  I’m not going to miss one sugar check or bolus.  My resolve and new found perspective is being tested.  This monster called diabetes has met its match – when I put my mind to it, I’m a force to be reckoned with.  I will happen…me….Christin will happen in a big, bad way.  I will continue to be vigilant and look forward to October 17^th….the next time I have to face that “number”….and yes, after writing I feel much better and know that it is just a number.

From the picture,  what you might not be able to tell is for every box of  insulin you see, there is one behind it.  I wonder how many bottles of insulin diabetics have laying around in the fridge.